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All people face health problems or injuries sometime in their lives.
As small chidren we are, at one time or another, a pateint being treated by our parents using age old remedies.
I recall a time when a cough was cured with a tablespoon filled with whiskey and sugar and heated on the stove. Getting that medicine down was quite a chore but after you took it, it didn’t matter if you had a cough or not. A six year old can get a snoot full and will easily go to sleep with a warm belly full of Old Crow.
As a 4 year old my mother knew just what to do to get me to sleep. She’d sit on the couch with a pillow in her lap. She’d then feed me a few boiled salty peanuts and give me a few sips of her Falstaff beer. Then she’d put the television on “Fright Theatre”. I was so scared, I’d close my eyes and hide in the pillow. Nite..Nite zzzzz.
I don’t know about you, but the sound, smell, or sight of regurgitation makes me weak and I lose it everytime. However I discovered a cure, or remedy, for the weak stomached. One night my trusty pet boiled out a big pie of half eatten dog food. At least 2 inches thick and big as a plate. Off, I went screaming in the night and running through my apartment. You know that panic run you make when you think a wasp landed on your shoulder.
For some strange reason I grabbed a pair of 3-D glasses that were hanging on a shelf. I put them on and started acting as if I was some super vomit proof cartoon hero. My real reason was to distract myself from any thought of the fore decribed mess. I proclaimed the glasses made me invinsible from my putrid fears. I looked at the pile. I didn’t gag. I walked up to it. No gag. Took the dust pan and scooped the puddle up in one clean scoop. I was cured. So I took the glasses off, took a look, and spewed everywhere. The motto of the story is, “Don’t look at regurgitation without the Super Duper Blue and Red Eyed Paper 3-D Glasses.”
A couple of weeks back I was feeling a little low. A little overwhelmed. Facing another birthday and generally just feeling old. On this particular evening I discovered the perfect cure for depression type symptoms.
My nephews had come over for rehearsal of our Weekend Warrior band. They brought some girl friends and such. After the rehersal I was talking to one of the girls and found out she was studying to be an ear doctor. I told her that I had some candles that you burn while placed at the end of your ear and cleans all the junk out. I talked her into trying the procedure and to look at it as if it was research for her career.
We lit the candle and laughed at how stupid it looked to have a 12 inch candle on fire while stuck in your ear. I was determined to prove that this procedure will pull junk out of her ear. Then she became functional as cigarette lighter.
After the candle finished burning we opened it up and I almost needed my Super Duper 3-D glasses when I saw the junk that came out.
After the event I felt emotionally a whole lot better. It may have been conversation, laughter, and fun that cured my blues but I think playing Doctor with two young college co-eds did the trick. I was feeling terrific until one of the co-eds said, “Hey Uncle Bully. Can I use your 3 wheeler?”
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