The Times They Are A’ Changing
by Bill Delaune

Remember those steamy July days of yore, hanging out at the beach listening to good old time rock and roll on your transistor radio?

Well, here we are in these modern lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer and all we have to listen to is Shaquille Oneal’s profanity-laced rap about former teammate Kobe Bryant. But don’t despair. Welcome to Wild Bill’s Billboard of Hits-songs that contain no profanity, no derogatory comments about women and no racial slurs. We’re talking about the silly songs of summer here with classic titles like Sam the Sham’s Wooly Bully and Roger Miller’s “Dang Me”.

And unfortunately just like a midsummer night’s all-star baseball game, somebody has to get left out. So, if you’re looking for the nonsensical but non-musical “They’re Coming to Take Me Away” by Napoleon XIV, look elsewhere. We’re talking about big-time lyrics set to more music than just a tambourine here. And if you aren’t familiar with the songs of the late 50’s and early 60’s, then just Google the damn items and be done with it.

For the rest of you old-timers, I proudly present Wild Bill’s 10 Greatest Novelty Hits/Artists of All Time. Hey, it works on that VH1 channel. “Starting with the number 10 spot”

10. ”Say Man” by Bo Diddley.
A tribute to the late, great Bo Diddley who changed an entire generation of guitar pickers, this upbeat walking-talking number features a lively dialog between two trash-talking friends. The insults range from the clever- “That’s all right, my mama didn’t have to put a sheet over my head so that sleep could slip up on me, -to the blunt- You look like you been whooped with an ugly stick!” May his cigar-box shaped harp be entertaining the angels now. Bo knows novelty.

9. “The Coasters.”
An amazing novelty group considering that after their first big R&B hit “Young Blood” in 1957, they took some off-beat shots with “Yakety Yak ( Don’t talk back)” and “Charlie Brown” in 1959.

But for Buckskin Bill fans in Baton Rouge, the Coasters “Along Came Jones was almost as big a hit on the popular kids show as the “Monday Morning March”. When Buckskin combined with Senor Puppet to give the melodramatic effect of the heroic Jones coming to rescue Sweet Lil, all the young TV viewers knew what was coming next. And then, he tied her to the railroad track. And then, the train was coming. And then, and then, and then-ack, ack-and then along came Jones to save the day. And as far as interior rhyme, who can top the group’s description of Little Egypt doing her famous Dance of the Pyramids. Little Egypt came out struttin wearing nuttin but a button and a bow Man, they don’t write them like that anymore.

8. Long Tall Texan by Murray Kellum.
In 1963 most of us weren’t interested in Bob Dylan’s pleas for ending war and social injustice-not just yet anyway. What we really wanted was a simple, silly song that we could sing along with. So when Murray Kellum introduced his cowboy hero with the opening lines, Well I’m a long, tall Texan, I ride a big white hoss then we could answer right along with the background singers, He rides from Texas on a big white hoss See how easy that was. This one-hit wonder would makethe list for the final stanza alone when a lonesome voice asks the musical question, Oh Roy, oh Roy is you the law?

7. “Haunted House” by Gene Simmons.
Jumpin’ Gene Simmons was the lead singer for the Bill Black (No, not Buckskin) Combo in the 60’s and is not to be confused with the teacher-turned-Kiss member of the same name.

The song “Haunted House” was first offered to another Memphis-based rocker Domingo Samudio-later to be known as “Sam the Sham”-but when negotiations broke down, Simmons volunteered to record it.

And who says this column is not educational.

The infectious “Haunted House” was one of the few novelty songs that teens could not only sing, but could also dance to. Hell, even Van Broussard played “Haunted House” every Saturday night at Moonlight Inn.

Built on a simple 10-note riff, the song tells the story of a man who moves into a house occupied by a creature called a “haint” who tries to scare the buyer off by-among other things-eating raw meat from the singer’s hand and drinking hot grease from a frying pan. And you thought today’s housing market was tough. But our stubborn hero persists and stands his ground with the catchy chorus, “I bought this house now you know I’m boss-ain’t no haint gonna run me off.

6. (Tie) My Boomerang Won’t Come Back and Tie Me Kangaroo Down.
Americans certainly didn’t have a monopoly on novelty hits back in the 60’s.

A couple of Aussies took their mythical problems from Down Under and turned them into chart toppers on the U.S. rock scene. In 1962, Charlie Drake scored with the story of a banished Aborigine teen who couldn’t make his ornery boomerang come back to him.

How could you not shed Crocodile Dundee tears when the lost lad lamented, I can ride a kangaroo (yeah, yeah), Make kinkajou stew (yeah, yeah), But I’m a big disgrace to the Aborigine race, My boomerang won’t come back.

Rolf Harris followed suit in 1963 with the last requests of a dying Australian stockman who not only wants his friends to Tie Me Kangaroo Down after he’s gone but also leaves some special instructions for the other animals.

Keep my cockatoo cool, Carl, implores one verse while another orders, Take my koala back, Jack. But my favorite is just a bit self-serving. Mind me platypus duck, Bill, mind me platypus duck. Dont let him go running amok, Bill, mind me platypus duck. Eat your heart out, 50 Cent.

5. The Camp Granada Song by Allan Sherman.
Hello Muddah, hello Faddah, begins the ultimate summer camp song based on letters Sherman received from his own whining son when the boy was sent off to camp. Among the song’s disasters are a camper named Leonard Skinner who got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner, and another called Jeffrey Hardy for whom They’re about to organize a searching party.

But being the rhyme scheme addict that I am, I just have to declare the following lines my favorite, Now I don’t want this should scare ya, But my bunkmate has malaria. Now you try to think of another rhyme for malaria.

4. “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.
When you consider that this Brian Hyland classic knocked Brenda Lee’s “I’m Sorry” out of Billboard’s top spot in August of 1960, you get some idea of the power of summer silliness.

The shy teen in the song bought the skimpy bathing suit because it seemed like a good idea at the time but now she’s having second thoughts about the amount of exposure she’s going to reveal. She finally gets up the nerve to come out of the locker, wraps herself in a blanket on the shore and finally makes it into the water. But now she faces a new dilemma.

Now she’s afraid to come out of the water, And I wonder what she’s gonna do. Now she’s afraid to come out of the water, And the poor little girl’s turning blue. Now what could possibly knock a novelty song of that caliber out of number one on the charts? In 1960 it was some guy named Elvis Presley singing It’s Now or Never-perhaps as advice to our bikini wearer.

3. “Purple People Eater” by Sheb Wooley.
Did the one-eyed one-horned flying monster eat only purple people? Or was he the color purple and did not discriminate in his diet? Inquiring minds want to know. But in the late 50’s no one seemed to care. The tune was 50’s, fun-filled rock and roll fun at its finest.

The bouncy catchy beat reflected the Happy Days of the late 50’s and the words fueled the public’s fascination with aliens and flying saucers at that time. And in keeping with the frivolous tone of the song, the one-eyed one horned flying purple people eater doesn’t eat a person of any color and goes on to get a job in a rock and roll band.

In fact, Wooley tells us he saw the invader on a TV show He was blowing it out, really knocking ‘em dead, playing rock and roll music through the horn on his head. The vaunted Minnesota Viking defense of the 60’s and 70’s became known as The Purple People Eaters.

Sheb Wooley went on to write more silly songs-especially for the country cornball show Hee Haw (Where oh where are you tonight) and recorded a few more novelty records under the name Ben Colder. By the way, Wooley’s number one single in June of 1958 was bumped by the aforementioned Yakety Yak by the Coasters.

2. Ray Stevens
Where do you start? Do you favor Ahab the Arab who stole the sultan’s number one squeeze Fatima and rode away on his camel named Clyde? Or do you like Guitarzan who’s got a pet monkey that likes to get drunky and sing boogie woogie and it sounds real funkie. Or was your favorite when Harry the Hairy Ape made his escape from the City Zoo?

I know “The Streak” was probably Ray’s best seller, and “Santa Claus Is Watching You” (He’s everywhere, he’s everywhere) was a great Christmas novelty tune, but one of his more serious songs- Everything Is Beautiful won a Grammy in 1970.

And who cared if he used canned laughter on most of his records. The laughter on this side of the radio was real indeed.

1. “David Seville” Witch Doctor and the Chipmunks
Can you picture a young David Seville in 1958 playing records (you know, kids-those big black CD’s) at 78 RPM’s instead of 33 revolutions per minute? The result was a high-pitched, sped-up version of the song that made everybody laugh.

So when David recorded a song called Witch Doctor about a guy who wasunlucky at love until the witch doctor gave him some magic words to win his love, it was only natural that the prescription was recorded in the high-pitched voice.

“Oo-ee, oo-ah-ah, ting-tang, walla-walla bing bang”

The song was a huge success and Seville decided to follow it up with a complete record in the high-pitched voices-featuring the skills of a chipmunk trio-Simon, Theodore and Alvin.

Dave Clark played the novelty tune on American Bandstand’s

rate-a-record segment and it received a score of 37 out of 100 because the kids just couldn’t dance to it.

The public apparently disagreed.

In just six months after its release, The Chipmunk Song or Christmas Don’t Be Late sold more than four million records and won three Grammies. Now 50 years later, Alvin and the Chipmunks are still entertaining young fans with a TV series, a movie and a video game. That longevity alone should be enough to make you number one.

Epilog If I left out one of your favorite novelty songs, please dress up in “Chantilly Lace” and form a posse of “Alley Oop,” Mr. Custer and King Henry the Eighth and meet me on the deck at Pelican Point one day to file a formal complaint.

Just make sure to bring your turntable, some 45’s, and a tub of cold Miller Lite