The Loop

Over the last few months Ascension Parish residents have been staging protests and 
lodging complaints to the Engineering firm LM&CJ for their proposed Loops and highways that are geared to relieve traffic flow problems of Baton Rouge. This firm has now proposed an equal discrimination loop and have named it the “Triangle”. That’s right the triangle. 

After feeling the love from all of the communities of Ascension the firm decided to eliminate the problem of picking and choosing which community will get the Baton Rouge shaft. They decided to give it to all of us.

In honor of the former Galvez land mark, ‘The Tringle D’, LM&CJ engineers have proposed a plan that disrupts the peace and tranquility of every community equally.

This triangle is to pass directly through Dutchtown cutting down all of the remaining 200 year old live Oak trees. Then the monster structure is to angle toward Gonzales and East Ascension High School. While moving that direction they propose to fill in New River and pass directly over the former Gonzales Country Club now that the land is available for development.

The engineers have commented that the mayor of Gonzales will be able to get to work directly from the off ramp that passes over SACS Western Store and exits on top of the VFW Hall and down at the EA baseball field.

Once the ‘Triangle’ gets to IRMA Blvd. it will turn and head for St. Amant. Saint Amanians are livid with the thought of any encroachment on their community. 

 “Somebody is going to get shot if they come through my pumpkin patch,” said one Bourgeois family member.

Then the ‘Triangle’ would head for Galvez and Prairieville. Initially it was to travel directly over the home of Ray Kelly. After researching local history they determined it’s not a good idea to mess with Ray Kelly.

LM&CJ Engineers, aka. Larry, Moe & Curly Joe Engineers has issued this proclamation. “Even though we act as if we really give a care about you hicks from the sticks. We really could give a rats ass about where the loop goes. Just shut up, quit crying and give us the land because we want it.”

This report came out on April 1st of this year and it has been determined that if you read this and believe it, you are an April Fool.

Publishers Note: Ascension Magazine takes full responsibility for making up this artcle and admits it has no merit and hopes Baton Rouge doesn’t see a copy of it as they may think it’s a good idea