As I drive down the road and look at the rising prices for gas displayed on the signs, I can think of only one bright side to these inflated times. Thank God I am not married.
This doesn't mean I am not in need of emotional love nor am I gun shy of relationships. I am simply experienced when it comes to being married and dealing with the struggles of a marriage.
As I drive, I imagine how tough it would be to tell her that some of her driving habits would have to change.
My first suggestion would be to cancel that every two week hair appointment. We'd save on gas and the cost for each appointment would be cover the cost of a tank of gas. Hell, go every six months. Girls are supposed to have long hair.
Next, the girls night out has got to go. You know these girls aren't drinking Milwakees Best Light Beer. The savings on drinks alone would be easily a tank of gas and just think, she could stay home and fold clothes or something.
Do we have to have that expensive, super absorbent toilet paper. No! The advetisment says buy our paper and use fewer sheets. I ask, "Doesn't anyone need to go before we leave the restaurant." Conservation is the key.
You can save 2 gallons of gas or $6 cash a month.
If I was still married I'd have to tell her,"No, we are not going to drive and see her family." Depending on how far they live this could add up to 4 tanks of gas or equivilant to $160 a month.
I'd have to lecture her on Christmas presents. Let's cross purchase items that we are going to need anyway such as shotgun shells and fish baits. Forget X-Box or nice clothes. Unless it's camoflauge items that can pass as an absolute necessity.
I think next she'd have to uderstand that the grass ain't cut due to fuel savings and we are hoping for a drought.
Family summer vacation should be moved to the fall during hunting season. We can kill two birds with one stone by planning weekend get aways. Invite the kids, but they can't go because of school. The food savings alone will fill 3 tanks or $120.
I think she'd have to quit the bowling team. This would save on the baby sitter and beer savings alone accounts for another tank of gas every 2 weeks.
Imagine the savings on holidays. Cut out the roses on Valentine's Day and get 2 tanks of gas or $75 cash.
Anniversaries can sometimes cost up to 8 tanks of gas so if you skip it you can drive to the camp at least 8 times. You can still bring her to Burger Delight for a nice night out.
Birthdays? She doesn't want to be reminded of how old she is anyway. Use my favorite response, "I forgot!"
If you adhere to some of these chauvinistic opinions it is guaranteed you will have savings at the pump. In some cases you probably wouldn't have to worry about her because she would probably have left your dumb ass anyway.
But if you happen to have a good woman that will put up with your crap you may have still saved enough money to
purchase those hooters you've been talking about.
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